I saw that title years ago and it struck something in me.

It is a song by Stephen Foster.

However, I remembered it as,

“Hard times come knocking at the door.”

I do not like hard times.

I do not like sufferings.

It was because at one time in my life.

I wanted sufferings too much.

I wanted hard times too much.

That was when I entered into contemplative prayer.

Entered too deep into St. John of the Cross.

And wanted to attain to union with God

But, soon, as soon as possible.

Even when I knew the process can take a lifetime.

I pushed too hard for it, tried too hard.

And ended up anorexic, weighing a scan 70 pounds.

Losing half my weight and almost died from it.

I left the monastery.

And went the opposite direction.

No suffering for me, God.

I do not want suffering.

I do not want any suffering.

Let my path to you be good, smooth and easy.

It was, I went years with nothing major.

To where, I was happy as the Jolly Miller.

With nary a care in the world.

Needing no one.

But God and my spiritual world.

When Ra thrust me into this youtube world.

I balked, what do I know about this world?

I lived like a hermit most of my life.

First as a nun, then married,

Then chose to live like a hermit.

I fought and then performed a ceremony

Of saying good bye to my easy going life.

I knew life would never be so indolent again.

For what temptation can a hermit has.

A hermit can claim to be a saint and feel one,

Because what does a man/person know

who is not tested.

One day, I received the message.

I have fought against suffering for too long.

God, Infinite Creator, I cried.

I will not ask for suffering but if you give it.

I will accept it.

The suffering when it came,

Came from a most unexpected source.

And weirdest of all, painted as stalker.

Me, a stalker?

I am a law abiding citizen.

Oh heavens, this is terrible.

My name is terribly, horribly maligned

There was a time I thought.

I would not care if my name gets maligned

For I do not know anyone here.

But when it happens, oh how it hurts.

For the first time, I understood

How it feels having one’s integrity,

As a person attacked.

But even as I suffered it.

My spirit team came to my help.

Do not let her know you are afraid.

If you do, she will zero in you and bully you.

They cautioned, the message came in crystal clear.

I had nothing to fear, she has nothing on me.

But being Chinese, Asian, just the mention

Of police, lawyers was enough to strike terror in me.

That actually was the hardest suffering, the fear.

The terror that could come down on me.

Smothering me like a dark heavy cloud.

I did not want a lawsuit.

Even as I know she has no case against me.

It still would be so messy.

Suffering inside, I did what my spirit team told me.

I showed no fear.

Divine providence sent me my sister

Who quelled and vanquished all my fears.

The fears removed, my suffering eased.

And then lo behold.

I found myself fast track on my spiritual path.

Of God and God alone.

What my adversary did not know is.

I am very dedicated to God.

I learned early that everything and anything.

Can be taken away from me.

And I am still fine Because I have God.

Nothing would ever take that away from me.

Because God is unchanging, immutable,

And loves us with unconditional love.

As long as I have God. nothing else matters

And nothing else matters.

And then I realized the value of suffering.

It had fast track me on my spiritual path.

Everything seemed to be happening so fast.

In my spiritual life, my progress was like overnight.

Overnight, there was nothing nothing in my life,

But my goal of seeking union with God,

Seeking that oneness, enlightenment.

Today, without exaggeration I would say,

If I ask myself, would I wish the above not to happen?

The answer would be no, I appreciate all that had happened.

It had catapulted me fast track me on my spiritual path.

Like nothing else.

From it, I learned the immense value of suffering.

It effected in days, weeks, what would have taken years.

My spirit team was right when they told me.

“It is a small matter, of little importance.”

It was, a small matter of little importance.

For them, beings of sixth density.

Everything is of minor importance

Except for lessons learned.

The wealth lies in that, lesson learned.

I want to move further ahead

I want to reach that level of awakening

When I would have power like the yogis.

Here, I have to ask myself, why do I want that?

When I want it sorely because I want to be service to others.

Not to prove myself or advance on this youtube path.

Then it will happen.

Until then, I do not do anything to precipitate my journey

At this stage, the divine has to do for me.

I could stay faithful to my mediation

And that is about it.

Further advancement I leave it to the Divine.

I did not intend to sing this song.

I thought old, and tired and belong to history.

But as I started writing, it streamed out.

As with channeling, I did not impede its flow.

But flow with it, this could be a lesson.

Others could learn from my sharing it.

For such is life, our lives mixed and merged.

Many with similar states of being and experiences.

And we learned from each other life’s experiences.

You life enrich mine and mine enrich yours.

We are all one, connected.

There is no separation.

If we perceived separation.

Then we are suffering from illusion.

For we are one, we come from the one and same Infinite Creator.