When I look into myself,
I am able to look into a deep empty cavern,
where I am alone with myself,
where I am able to enjoy my own spirit and company.
My inside, empty of all thoughts and all things.
I should do it often.
Just enter into myself and stay there.
Just being, not thinking, not engaged with anything.
Just being, just enjoying the feeling of being alone with myself.
Solitary, solitude, why do some fear it?
I had noticed even with nuns of contemplative order,
not many are able to take it.
A pariah, I started going into ten days silence or retreat,
until it was forbidden for me.
That was when I noticed most of them could not do it.
I have always been drawn to solitude, even when young.
I remember the cover of a book, a lone building in the desert.
That picture drew me in, and I felt a haunting.
It was why I was drawn to the Order of Carmelite DisCalced.
The silence, solitude drew me,
even when I was a talkative teenager at the time.
RA: could you tell me something about inner solitude?
Alone with the Alone, you have always liked that phrase.
It is where you are alone with the Infinite Creator/God.
When you are in that state, you are able to astral travel.
Astral travel need not be those out of body states,
where they found themselves stuck in a chimney or lost.
When they are able to see themselves outside their bodies,
and traveling through space, or across the continents.
No, it can be very subtle and you have done it.
In your meditation, when you get rapt to places, higher realms.
That is a more subtle form of astral traveling.
You are able to just rest in that silence, empty of everything.
That in itself, is a grace.
Look inside, what do you see?
I do not see anything, I feel only the peace,
deep inner peace.
It is given to some to see, and not to others.
It is given to some to feel and not to others,
It is given to some to sense and not to others.
You each have your dominant ability.
Your dominant ability is the knowing.
The ability to see in this emptiness.
When everything is empty, you are able to see clearly.
You are able to see, as St. John of the Cross said,
the hidden things of God.
The dark secrets of the Divine.
Secrets, not in the sense of being hidden.
But in the sense of it not being able to be accessed.
For it takes a refine soul to probe the inner secrets
of the Universe, and of the soul.
This ability is not attained to on the spot,
but attained after years of honing the skills.
Of working to enter the deeper things of God.
It is not to be taken lightly, for it gives you insights,
into the workings of the universe, of man, and nature.
This door on inner knowing can open suddenly to one.
Like an awakening of sorts.
It opened to you when you are at the monastery,
four years into that life, at the ripe young age of 21.
It can happen to anyone suddenly, or it could take years.
All in the inner workings of the Divine.