When I was told I was overthinking it,
I felt slighted.
I googled it and found it could have a bad connotation or not so bad.
It could be dismissive of my concerns, condescending,
or it would just be used as a phrase to encourage me not to think too much.
Do I overthink?
Arriving at this state of nothingness.
Where one lives, as though in this inner darkness.
One does not overthink.
Overthinking ceased.
Because entering that inner darkness,
necessitate clearing of all thoughts.
I was seeing darkly.
Seeing my life darkly.
What did I see?
Inner workings in my soul.
What are those?
I saw that the last couple of weeks
I was in a mini dark night of the soul.
It just did not feel comfortable.
There was a sense of deep sadness always with me,
without reason or cause.
My other senses became acute.
I saw with my mind’s eyes, a grey animal by my bed.
Not a dog, with the shape of a dog but fat and round in the middle.
I saw energy moving with fluidity.
I felt at any time I could look behind the eye.
Little things bother me, grips me.
Beyond what is rational.
My rational mind told me it was a matter,
which could be resolved in time.
My physical mind, acknowledging it, still agonized over it.
It gripped me, it held me in its grip,
until it drove me to sadness, and near depression.
What could that be but a mini dark night of the soul.
And then yesterday morning, it all cleared.
I knew it the moment it cleared.
I was writing my verses.
I told the person that I have arrived at a place,
where I could proceed no longer with my own efforts.
That I want to progress further.
And it is all in the hands of the Universe/God.
The work is more refined; I am not able to do it.
As St. John of the Cross said,
my own efforts would only hinder it.
And I know how the Universe/God would bring it about.
Through the dark night of the soul.
It must sound so gibberish to her.
The thoughts of a soul caught in her ego.
Going about the grandeur of arriving at deep spiritual states.
Does it matter what she or others think?
No, for arriving at this state,
Nothing matters very much any more.
One is caught is this state of nothingness,
where often the mind does not want to think.
And just be. Just be with this Infinity/God/Universe.