After my crisis as a nun at the monastery,

I decided to turn to Jesus to help me regain my path.

I was at a loss, it was like clutching at any straws to help myself.

I engaged in spiritual romanticism with Jesus.

I often went into the four acres garden and pretended Jesus was with me.

I especially sang the song, Be with me, Lord, I cannot be without you.

This especially since I always felt guilty

I did not have the love for Jesus which others around me did.

It did help but I always felt that devotion was forced.

To assuage my guilt feelings, I would tell Jesus it was because,

I did not experience him personally as I experienced God.

One day, I was at a mountain top in Taiwan with my sisters.

There was a big crucifix of Jesus with a body made of some kind of metal.

I climbed onto the stand, and moved to kiss the wound on Jesus’ side .

I lifted my head to reach it and saw Jesus looming big above, flesh and blood.

I froze and thought, what am I doing? And the image faded.

Later, I mentioned it jokingly to a Jesuit priest and added,  

it was likely my imagination.

He took it seriously and told me not to dismiss it.

The second time was when I was working as a caregiver.

At one shift, I got out of bed at 6 am and was getting ready for the day,

When feelings of anxieties, worries filled me.

“You just think you are alone,” I felt Jesus telling me.

I told him, “I am alone.” I was alone, with no family members near me.

I felt very alone.

Those words helped me realize he was and is always with me.

The third time, I was in bed, trying to fall asleep and unable to.

Again, I told Jesus my now familiar gripe,

“God I experienced, you I never really did.”

And I felt him, a presence to my lower right, like energy, but solid.

It was not like light air, it felt solid, a warm mass of solid energy.

I knew that was Jesus.

Those were the three experiences.

Recently, I have been experiencing his energy.

It is very strong, gripping the upper reaches of my head.

I hope to channel him more.

Ra, in a channeled session, had told me that 

Jesus is ready for me to channel him and that I had done it before.