I have often wondered how I would react if I were to be told I have cancer.

It intrigued me. I kind of expected myself to go crazy, my mind shutting down.

My entire body shutting down while I go into a state of shock.

And then slowly coming out of it.

This morning, the pulmonologist, Dr. Choi told me he does not like what he sees.

He went on, “I do not want to say this. It could be something not good.”

He added, “It is either valley fever or cancer.”

I felt nothing. No shock, no alarm, nothing.

I think what I did not want is for my mind to go crazy with the thought of it,

the fear of it, to where it would totally consume me.

That would be suffering.

Dr. Choi told me, within two weeks, he will get another CT scan done.

And a biopsy of the mass growing in my left lung.

All morning, the card of Jesus’ messages I pulled stayed with me.

Your faith saved you, go in peace.

I was drinking my coffee hours later and watching youtube when I felt,

Jesus telling me to go and meditate.

I did, I spent an hour in meditation and felt him very close to me.

At the end of the meditation, I asked Jesus to push a youtube video to me.

One of the “It’s a miracle videos” I had been watching.

I saw one titled, Joe Smiler. I had been avoiding watching it.

I decided since it keeps popping up, I would watch it.

It was about a little boy with a big brain tumor.

He was given up with days to live,

when his parents decided to push for his organs donation.

I thought, that feels familiar, I had signed up for that.

My death could be someone’s gain.

But, wait a minute, would it mean the same would go for me?

Since I had asked Jesus to push a video for me, 

meaning I would find a message therein for me.

I continued watching and thought, I have to tell those around me about it.

So that as soon as I die, Research for Life will be contacted.

I watched on. The boy, Joe Smiler, came out of his coma.

The doctor decided to get at his tumor.

It took two attempts and they got it all.

Six years later, when the video was made, 

Joe Smiler was well and happy.

Living a normal life.

I laughed, watching the end of it.

It sure bodes well for me.

If it is cancer, I will put my life in order.

And look forward to going back to where I come from.

The planet I came from, moving back into the spirit world.

I dread the slow painful death of dying from cancer.

But each one is different.

Whatever will be, will be, whatever is, is.

I thank God for giving me this calm acceptance.

Whatever I had expected, it is not this calm acceptance.

I had expected myself to freak out and lost my head completely,

till I gain control.

It is how I usually react to bad news.

Thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus.